By Quran Schooling | 16 December 2020
The right to marriage of a girl is often ignored. Though people have got educated and now daughters can also give an opinion about their marriage in their families, mostly it isn’t considered decent for a girl to talk about her own marriage. It is especially true with the Muslims in the east. Parents fix their daughter’s marriage with someone she doesn’t even know about. Subsequently, it creates some miserable circumstances in her life.
The concept of love marriage is not acceptable among many Muslims. If you’re one of them, read the whole post before getting red hot with anger. We are going to discuss whether a girl can do a love marriage if she is a Muslim. We will know whether Islam considers a girl’s opinion about her marriage or not? Do parents have the right to forcefully marry their daughters to anyone they want?
Unfortunately, people misunderstand the religion and parents forcefully marry their daughters as a matter of their right. They don’t even ask her about her opinion. Let us delve into details to know whether love marriage is allowed for a girl in Islam or not.
Sadly, several people deprive women of their right to give consent about their marriage. In many parts of the world, parents just tell their daughters that their marriage is on this date, be ready. That’s not what Islam teaches us.
Females often ask us “do girls have the right of opinion about their marriage in Islam?”. Islam has given a girl the right to give consent about her marriage. Parents cannot force their daughter to marry someone she doesn’t want to. Let us get an example from the life of the Holy Prophet to know whether parents should ask their daughter about her consent for her marriage or not.
Once, Ali sent his proposal to the Holy Prophet that he wants to marry his daughter, Fatima Prophet Muhammad didn’t accept the proposal and he just said, “In Sha Allah” (if God wills). Then Prophet Muhammad approaches his daughter Fatima and tells her about the marriage proposal for her and asks for her consent. After she agreed to the proposal, only then the Holy Prophet accepted the marriage proposal from Ali. It proves how crucial it is to ask your daughter about her opinion about her marriage.
There is an authentic Hadith of the Holy Prophet where he forbids the forced marriage of a girl in Islam. The Hadith is written in Sahih Muslim, 1419 and it is also present in Sahih al-Bukhari 6968 where the Holy Prophet that a woman (whether she is a virgin, divorced, or a widow) cannot be married to anyone until her permission is sought. It proves that there is no concept of forced marriage in Islam.
Not only examples from the life of the Holy Prophet and his teachings tell us that forced marriage is not allowed in Islam. But the Holy Quran also forbids the forced marriage of women. Here is the verse of the Holy Quran that ends the forced marriage in Islam.
“O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion”. Quran 4:19
There is another misconception among people that a woman cannot approach a man and ask him to marry her. It is also considered indecent among many Muslims. There is no place for such misconception in Islam. It isn’t Islam that considers a woman’s proposal for marriage an immodest act, it is the culture that has infused this thinking in people. To add weight to this argument, let us take an example from the life of the Holy Prophet to know how it is perfectly ok for a woman to propose a man for marriage in Islam.
Khadija bint Khuwaylid was the employer of the Holy Prophet. She was greatly impressed by the honesty and integrity of the Prophet Muhammad and proposed to him to marry her. The Holy Prophet accepted her proposal and they got married to each other.
What can be a better example than this that a woman is allowed to propose a man to marry her? There is no restriction by Islam that who should propose for marriage. It also highlights that it is completely contrary to the Islamic tradition to arrange the marriage of a Muslim woman without her consent.
As of now, you know that it is permissible for you to marry someone whom you love. Whether you are a girl or a boy, Islam gives you the right to give consent about your marriage. As parents cannot force their children to marry someone, children can marry a person of their own choice. Here is how you can do love marriage in Islam if you are a girl.
If someone has impressed you and you have started developing feelings for him. You need to watch out and don’t donate your heart to someone until you have answered a few questions. You should set certain parameters and analyze the other person on these parameters to know whether you can live your whole life with that person or not. If you are sure that the other person is suitable for you, then take the next step.
The first step would be to approach that person and directly ask him to marry you. If he says yes, then ask him to express his feelings to his parents. You should also do the same and then involve your families in it. If your families agree, you can marry each other.
There could be a chance that you cannot convince your parents to marry the person of your own choice despite all your efforts. You have tried your best but your parents want you to marry someone you don’t want to. If this is the situation and you don’t have any other option, you can marry the person of your choice instead of your own choice. You can stand against your parents’ will. Islam allows it to marry someone of your choice.
However, it isn’t encouraged. You shouldn’t go against your parents. It is best to try your best to convince your parents about it. If no other option is left, then it is up to your choice whether you want to marry someone your parents chose for you or someone whom you love. Islam permits you in both cases.
Where does the problem lie? If Islam gives the right to a woman to marry any person of her choice, then why some parents don’t allow their daughters to use this right? Well, there could be multiple reasons for it. One of the reasons could be the culture that has molded their mindset in a way that they consider love marriage to be immodest, especially for their daughters.
Some parents aren’t well educated about Islam and they don’t know the rights Islam gives to women. The best way to tackle this would be to learn the Holy Quran. This way, you don’t only know about your rights, being a girl, but you can also easily convince your parents about your rights in light of Islamic teachings.
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